DIY_EFI Digest Wednesday, 23 July 1997 Volume 02 : Number 247 In this issue: Re: SWITCHED EPROMS EFI for Motorcycle Application Re: analog or KISS EFI Alpha-N Questions Re: eproms via lpt Re: analog or KISS EFI oxygen sensors Re: analog or KISS EFI SV: analog or KISS EFI RE: Throttle body sizing Link Engine Management oops Re: EFI for Motorcycle Application Re: eproms via lpt Re: Re[2]: Programming language Re: Re[2]: Programming language Re: oops neural networks, J1850, ALDL>RS-232 Re: Programming language Re: oops...Duh! See the end of the digest for information on subscribing to the DIY_EFI or DIY_EFI-Digest mailing lists. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Justin Albury Date: Mon, 21 Jul 1997 23:24:39 +1000 Subject: Re: SWITCHED EPROMS Frederic Breitwieser wrote: > > >i have found the these to work fine in the P4 and also in TECH-1 > >cartridges. if you use the same base code and only change the data of > > I liked your design, however I wish to submit the following comments. > Instead of using SPST switches directly attached to the E/Eproms, its > important to make them bounceless, whereby when switching, the real > millisecend on/off/on condition assiociated with mechanical switches is > therefor eliminated. I have a schematic in my archive I can share, when I > get home, not a problem. > > Then, after making the switch bounceless, you use either a Flip-Flop > circuit or four inverters to control the enable lines of the two eeproms, > which you are correct, can only have the data set information changed, not > the actual code. > > A friend of mine who designed embedded systems for a career, has such a > system that actually allows CODE changes... this is because, the main loop > of the program always starts at one particular address, on both chips, then > the processor switches the enable pins on the EEprom, not a mechanical > switch. The mechanical switch controls one of the inputs on the processor, > when when it hits the beginning of the loop, where the code is the same in > both chips, will enable or disable the appropriate eeprom. > > Just some thoughts :) > > Frederic Breitwieser > Homebrew Automotive Mailing List > Bridgeport, CT 06606 > http://www.geocities.com/MotorCity/Downs/4605/index.html > 1989 AG Hummer 4-Door > 1993 Supercharged Lincoln Continental > 2000 Mid-Engine Sports Car > > --- thankyou could you please mail me when you have a chance Justin ------------------------------ From: "Cummings, Mike" Date: Tue, 22 Jul 1997 09:42:10 -0400 Subject: EFI for Motorcycle Application Does anyone in this group have information or can someone point me to information on EFI for motorcycles. I some 79 XS1100 Yamaha Specials and would be interested in installing EFI if possible. Thanks, Mike C, in Columbus, OH. > ------------------------------ From: senator@xxx.edu (Bill Bradley) Date: Tue, 22 Jul 1997 07:18:19 -0700 (PDT) Subject: Re: analog or KISS EFI > > Anyone out there have any experience with a simple, low cost, reliable > injection system foe nominal 100hp 4 cyl 4 stroke? KISS for Keep It > Simple S- well - you know!! Try a Bosch K-jetronic from a VW Rabbit, Volvo 240, BMW 320i, et. al. Bill ------------------------------ From: garfield@xxx.com (Garfield) Date: Tue, 22 Jul 1997 15:23:42 GMT Subject: Alpha-N Questions Whelp, I just got snagged on learning more about this odd bird. Does anyone have the SAE doc. numbers that report on this FI algorithm? Also, any other leads on info would be most appreciated. I HAVE been through the archives entirely, so I did do some of my homework. Garfield ------------------------------ From: Frederic Breitwieser Date: Tue, 22 Jul 1997 09:47:51 -0400 Subject: Re: eproms via lpt >Where might I get the demo versions of these products? I would like to play >with them a bit. I searched www.infoseek.com, and found both turbolink and tweeker, both aimed at V6 Buick eeproms. However, also in the list, were similar things for V8. I just did this a few minutes ago, and didn't see what I had saw about two months ago when I :thought: I saw it, but I will look again later. I didn't dogear the websites... since I am using a V6 unfortunately. Frederic Breitwieser Homebrew Automotive Mailing List Bridgeport, CT 06606 http://www.geocities.com/MotorCity/Downs/4605/index.html 1989 AG Hummer 4-Door 1993 Supercharged Lincoln Continental 2000 Mid-Engine Sports Car - --- ------------------------------ From: Paul Messinger Date: Tue, 22 Jul 1997 09:14:55 -0700 Subject: Re: analog or KISS EFI Clare Snyder wrote: > > Anyone out there have any experience with a simple, low cost, reliable > injection system foe nominal 100hp 4 cyl 4 stroke? KISS for Keep It > Simple S- well - you know!! Garfield and I are working on the concept, but remember a carb system will always beat a FI system for reliability and simplicity with a little maint from time to time. Sudden total carb failure is basically unknown with basic maintenance. Paul ------------------------------ From: Greg Woods Date: Tue, 22 Jul 1997 11:30:14 -0500 Subject: oxygen sensors OK for those of you keeping score with my GM TBI swap into an 86 2.8l cherokee, here's some recent updates... Thanks to all who recommended replacing the TPS for my last problem. That was right on the money. I placed a new TPS in my throttlebody, rotated it for 800mV at idle and the "Low TPS voltage" error code disappeared as did my High idle problems (which makes perfect sense). The latest error to be strobed from my 86 GM ECM is an error 45, which is an "O2 sensor indicates rich exhaust" code. The vehicle is still missing at low RPM's on acceleration, and I'm experiencing engine surges/hesitation. The O2 sensor is brand new with less than 2k miles on it. However, it was a cheapy sensor that I bought at Autozone for $18. Should I replace the sensor with a higher dollar/higher quality model? Would anyone like to recommend an O2 sensor for this? Is it normal for cheap O2 sensors to fail prematurely? any and all responses welcome! (I'm still new at this FI thing, but even with these problems, my FI system still works better than my old carb!) greg woods gwoods@xxx.com austin, tx 86 XJ, GM TBI ------------------------------ From: clsnyde@xxx.net (Clare Snyder) Date: Tue, 22 Jul 1997 16:37:14 GMT Subject: Re: analog or KISS EFI >> >> Anyone out there have any experience with a simple, low cost, reliable >> injection system foe nominal 100hp 4 cyl 4 stroke? KISS for Keep It >> Simple S- well - you know!! > > Try a Bosch K-jetronic from a VW Rabbit, Volvo 240, BMW 320i, et. al. > > Bill > > > This was my first idea - just trying to see if there is anything else out there - mabee a bit lighter and low - pressure. ------------------------------ From: "Stefan Olsson" Date: Tue, 22 Jul 1997 19:53:14 +0200 Subject: SV: analog or KISS EFI Dear Mr Snyder Try a D-Jetronic from a early Volvo 140 GL. They are very easy to convert to anything Best Regards Stefan - ---------- > Fr=E5n: Clare Snyder > Till: diy_efi@xxx.edu > =C4mne: Re: analog or KISS EFI > Datum: den 22 juli 1997 18:37 >=20 > >>=20 > >> Anyone out there have any experience with a simple, low cost, reliab= le > >> injection system foe nominal 100hp 4 cyl 4 stroke? KISS for Keep It > >> Simple S- well - you know!! > > > > Try a Bosch K-jetronic from a VW Rabbit, Volvo 240, BMW 320i, et. al. > > > > Bill > > > > > > > This was my first idea - just trying to see if there is anything else o= ut > there - mabee a bit lighter and low - pressure. >=20 ------------------------------ From: James Boughton Date: Tue, 22 Jul 1997 15:58:54 -0400 Subject: RE: Throttle body sizing Allan, The formula you wrote is correct if you want to calculate the average flow rate that the engine is using at a constant rate. The flow rate calculation I used was to calculate average flow rate over the intake event. Thus, divide your equation by .25, or multiply by 4. This is the flow rate commonly used for individual runner calculations, and would correspond with the 60 m/s number I gave. If you would like to calculate the values with your equation you must use 15m/s for your target flow rate. Just FYI, if you calculate intsantaneous flow rate for the intake event based on intake area and piston velocity you will find the equation I gave to be close to the average over the 0 to 180 deg interval. This is how I checked my work :-) Jim Boughton boughton@xxx.net - ---------- From: Allan Hines[SMTP:ahines@xxx.au] Sent: Tuesday, July 22, 1997 1:51 AM To: diy_efi@xxx.edu Subject: Re: Throttle body sizing James Boughton wrote : > Next, take your cylinder displacement of 500cc/cyl and the rpm > (I'll use 6000rpm) and calculate the airflow rate for an intake event. This > should be > > 6000rpm x 500cc x 2 / (60sec/min) = 100000 cc/sec The above formula is incorrect Assuming 100% volumetric efficiency (6000rpm x 500cc) / ( 2 x 60 ) = 25,000 cc/sec = 25 Litre/sec Allan Hines - ---------- > From: James Boughton > To: 'diy_efi@xxx.edu' > Subject: RE: Throttle body sizing > Date: Tuesday, 22 July 1997 12:43 PM > > Bruno, > To determine the proper size for an intake system you need to > know what rpm you intend to run to. Typically the intake system is sized > to create a theoretical flow velocity of ~60m/s. Not perfect, but a good > starting point. I would use the area of the throttle body throats minus the > area taken up by the throttle shaft (probably ~10mm dia.) So if you are > using a 40mm t/b you should have 1257mm^2 area. If you remove the area > of a 10mm shaft you should be left with approx. 860mm^2. > > Next, take your cylinder displacement of 500cc/cyl and the rpm > (I'll use 6000rpm) and calculate the airflow rate for an intake event. This > should be > > 6000rpm x 500cc x 2 / (60sec/min) = 100000 cc/sec > > divide 100000cc/s by 8.6cm^2 and you get ~116m/s. This would be a little > high which would likely cause power to drop off early. If you want to run > a lower peak power speed then you would have to recalculate accordingly. > By the way, the mysterious 2 in the equation is because the intake event only > gets a half of a rev to occur. > > Also, the value of the area used should be the average intake area and can be > made higher by using trumpets (air horns, stacks, whatever!) that have a large > taper. > > All of this also depends on cams, port flow coefficients, and so on. When you > get to the point of tuning for length let me know :-) > > Jim Boughton > boughton@xxx.net > > ---------- > From: Bruno![SMTP:b.marzano@xxx.au] > Sent: Monday, July 21, 1997 10:52 AM > To: diy_efi@xxx.edu > Subject: Throttle body sizing > > Hi everyone, > > I have a 2lt twin cam and am considering rigging up a quad throttle efi > manifold for it. Firstly, I will be using the throttle bodies from > stromberg carburettors to save the pain of trying to fabricate a tb from > scratch. I can get these in sizes up to 40mm (i think 1 9/16") at a > reasonable price. > > The intake runners which will mount on the head, and hold the tbs, will be > made using aluminium tube, the internal diameter of which i can get in > different sizes quite readily. again, i could get this in 40mm, or > slightly smaller, or even larger (i think 50mm od & 3mm wall gives 44mm). > The 44 mm option would be a little silly, as the tb being 40mm would be a > restriction (compared to the runner). > > My question is whether 40mm is too large for this type of engine. It > currently gives about 130hp, and is my mild-mannered street car. > Driveability is my main criterion here. > > Any ideas would be greatly appreciated. > > Bruno. (b.marzano@xxx.au) > > Early to bed, Early to rise > Makes a man or woman miss out on the night life > -Morphine > > > begin 600 WINMAIL.DAT M>)\^(CH3`0:0" `$```````!``$``0>0!@`(````Y 0```````#H``$-@ 0` M`@````(``@`!!) &`&0!```!````# ````,``# #````"P`/#@`````"`?\/ M`0```&,`````````@2L?I+ZC$!F=;@#=`0]4`@````!D:7E?969I0&-O=6QO M;6(N96YG+F]H:6\M``,P`0`` M`",```!D:7E?969I0&-O=6QO;6(N96YG+F]H:6\M5]E9FE 8V]U;&]M8BYE;FL"@P!0 M`O()`@!C: K L2$B+B @00@'NL@7R!O)^$?J?L+@ &0:R'A)^ ","0C(J# +"!D:79I M#; -3/#/&QI M*B$>X J%'QL@=O\'0 I0!" TPRNL'-(<@!/ \29B(#$U-8(PTBNB"H5=`9!R M(* %0"#7+AM:2O$[0D9922L0'B4?&"GA]G,>H0!P90A@/ $@YS#2_R'"*>0* MA2I3+' FT":1)B&;*>4*P&4X .@)^ 5H&,TT"R0'-/[`Q # M(&8Q$2&T+ 4*A38T_Q[2-? =D!6@xxx.Y$>X2'")];-*/8@-6 >X3$X-6 -L'\B MX"GA!) 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U-S 07A'@1,+_-I@6$ 1@2**Q570W=W$"0@xxx.*SQO)$^%O^ 7G4?=B]W/WA/>5]Z;WM_ M_WR/?9]^KW^_@,^!WX+O@_P?SVDK-=*DA (L +@$MQ;LSG5^#EZ8I)AK #_['#,= BPC#2FL 9$,&!FL#_!4 '@*4D3MC/:4_O MPY*4O[]2)\]IDB^3-HLCGY,A6[23E[#RT')Z(Z!O0!/ _G4-L"J!\>$U\2" M:;)=F;>9<5_D&])--(%B2#%B]OXP8W 1X&.WEF1GCY>?::I_F7D;Q9J/FYC# M1UM@*D)R__] (D"?Z,-')E#W!&+ +5#_'M#!8/O310,:$2-2*V'EH/LBT>6@ M9R(A(N"UT2,P1X'_1Q(4Q1%1\DD!8,NP,^$PT_TJD4;TT.5P+9 /`+"!1J+_ M20'SQ;(=B>!!45CQKNE8\?Q,6%&H-SQ\$!Q(?\_81JASH(HE(9C*A,/`,O [\W(VL!04=L! M<_+0I^!,$/\]`NAS]\2%("IWQK"X,15 \" F(#.X,>3 1K$;H._P$.I 4[!= M,"GY"(5"4[#[3D! H7#FT]@xxx.'[B6#F MTRCC(/10L8&FH\>3[R]C0D M?\.P39V YJ!((?_FY:6 E<#S4KJSAF&J4*I@ M__?3'F/ZHZR HA#&<@(!H6'_*!%:D,-'Z[$Y!;KV ` ` end ------------------------------ From: Simon Quested Date: Wed, 23 Jul 1997 09:37:08 +1200 Subject: Link Engine Management Hi All > IF I would like more info. Please post it. I am sure that ALL on this > board would be interested. I wouldn't be here, otherwise. But this is DIY efi ;-) It's a modular, expandable system that microprocessor controlled features: rev limiter boost limiter cold start control (automatic once set) acceleration enrichment control (optimise throrrle response) closed loop control 192 fuel and ign zones multi coil applications if you want more info mail Philip philip.link_electro@xxx.nz All the performance shops in Christchurch rave about them a friend of mine has one in his nissan turbo and it's helped he power and economy. > Haven't talked to a New Zealander in a long time (since the Vietnam > "Conflict" days). Used to see quite a few of you in Thailand. Reply to questeds@xxx.nz (don't want to fill the list with crap) Well we haven't slid of the end of the earth yet :-) I was 2 when the conflict finished...... Was there much on the news about the Americas Cup being sledge hammered ? Cheers Simon +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Simon Quested (E-mail questeds@xxx.nz) Computer Technician, Silicon Graphics & Windows NT Support Centre for Computing and Biometrics LINCOLN UNIVERSITY OF NEW ZEALAND Phone (64)(03) 3252811 Ext. 8087 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ http://www.lincoln.ac.nz/ccb/techs/simon/default.htm +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgmmng +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ------------------------------ From: Simon Quested Date: Wed, 23 Jul 1997 11:32:06 +1200 Subject: oops > acceleration enrichment control (optimise throrrle response) If you didn't guess that should be throttle Simon +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Simon Quested (E-mail questeds@xxx.nz) Computer Technician, Silicon Graphics & Windows NT Support Centre for Computing and Biometrics LINCOLN UNIVERSITY OF NEW ZEALAND Phone (64)(03) 3252811 Ext. 8087 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ http://www.lincoln.ac.nz/ccb/techs/simon/default.htm +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgmmng +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ------------------------------ From: lambs@xxx.au (Stephen Lamb) Date: Wed, 23 Jul 1997 11:27:44 +1000 Subject: Re: EFI for Motorcycle Application >Does anyone in this group have information or can someone point me to >information on EFI for motorcycles. I some 79 XS1100 Yamaha Specials >and would be interested in installing EFI if possible. >Thanks, Mike C, in Columbus, OH. Similarly, I'd like to fit EFI to my '81 GSX1100. Probably the 'easiest' option is to adapt the hardware (TB, TPS, etc.) from an early 80's GPz1100 Kawasaki, but substitute something like David Doddek's KISS controller system for the stock Kwaka ECU which were renowned for being problematic anyway (well, here in Oz at least). Being engines of similar capacity and output, injector capacity, TB size, etc. should all be in the 'ballpark' - and the same goes for your XS1100. Stephen Lamb Dept. of Defence DSTO, AMRL 506 Lorimer Street Fishermans Bend VIC 3207 Australia Tel: +61 3 9626 7525 Fax: +61 3 9626 7089 IZCC #180 ------------------------------ From: Frederic Breitwieser Date: Tue, 22 Jul 1997 09:41:59 -0400 Subject: Re: eproms via lpt >Where might I get the demo versions of these products? I would like to play >with them a bit. I searched www.infoseek.com, and found both turbolink and tweeker, both aimed at V6 Buick eeproms. However, also in the list, were similar things for V8. I just did this a few minutes ago, and didn't see what I had saw about two months ago when I :thought: I saw it, but I will look again later. I didn't dogear the websites... since I am using a V6 unfortunately. Frederic Breitwieser Homebrew Automotive Mailing List Bridgeport, CT 06606 http://www.geocities.com/MotorCity/Downs/4605/index.html 1989 AG Hummer 4-Door 1993 Supercharged Lincoln Continental 2000 Mid-Engine Sports Car - --- ------------------------------ From: Mark Date: Tue, 22 Jul 1997 21:31:24 -0500 Subject: Re: Re[2]: Programming language At 12:52 PM 7/18/97 CDT, you wrote: > >--> NOT subject to the frustrations of the VERY regimented structure of >--> the other high level languages; but, much of that structure is >--> available should you desire it. >[snip] >->Just like a mechanic has more than one wrench, a programmer should be >->able to handle more than one language. In many cases, the language >->itself is secondary to the specific *implementation* of the language, > >I have used various languages over the years and I have to agree with Dave, >it is a matter of best fit for the project than which language is better. I >prefer C but will use assembly, basic, etc. if that is a better fit. > >Little programming humor >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- > Instructions for > > "Shooting Yourself in the Foot" > > in various computer languages > and systems/interfaces >============================================================================ >C: You shoot yourself in the foot. > >C++: You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them > all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since > you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at > others and saying, "That's me, over there." > >FORTRAN: You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of > toes; then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, > you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling routine. > >Modula-2: After realizing that you can't acutally accomplish anything in > this language, you shoot yourself in the head. > >LISP: You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you > shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which youshoot > yourself in the appendage which holds... > >COBOL: USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.Foot, THEN place > ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANGUN to > HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied. > >BASIC: Shoot yourself in the foot with water pistol. On big systems, > continue until entire lower body is waterlogged. > >Virtual BASIC: You'll shoot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much > fun doing it that you won't care. > >FORTH: Foot in yourself shoot. > >APL: You shoot yourself in the foot; then spend all day figuring out how to > do it in fewer characters. > >Pascal: The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot. > >HyperTalk Put the first bullet of the gun into foot left of leg of you. > Answer the result. > >UNIX: % ls foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o %rm *.o rm: .O: No such file or > directory % ls % > >Paradox: Not only can you shoot yourself in foot, your users can, too. > >Motif: You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the > trajectory, the bullet, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory handles > of the gun. When you finally get around to pulling the trigger, the gun > jams. > >Apple System 7: Double click the gun icon and a window giving a selection > for guns, target areas, plus ballon help with medical remedies, and > assorted sound effects. Click shoot button and small bomb appears with note > "Error of type 1 has occurred." > >DOS (all versions): You finally found the gun, but can't locate the file > with the foot for the life of you. > > -------- (Additional languages/interfaces found later) --------- > >Ada: If you are dumb enough to actually use this language, the United > States Department of Defense will kidnap you, stand you up in front of a > firing squad, and tell the soldiers, "Shoot at his feet." > >Algol: You shoot yourself in the foot with a musket. The musket is > aesthetically fascinating, and the wound baffles the adolescent medic in > the emergency room. > >APL (alternate): You hear a gunshot, and there's a hole in your foot, but > you don't remember enough linear algebra to understand what happened. > >Assembly: You crash the OS and overwrite the root disk. The system > administrator arrives and shoots you in the foot. After a moment of > contemplation, the administrator shoots himself in the foot and then hops > around the room rabidly shooting at everyone in sight. > >DBase: You squeeze the trigger, but the bullet moves so slowly that by the > time your foot feels the pain you've forgotten why you shot yourself > anyway. > >DBase IV version 1.0: You pull the trigger, but it turns out that the gun > was a poorly-designed grenade and the whole building blows up. > >sh, csh, etc.: You can't remember the syntax for anything, so you spend > five hours reading man pages before giving up. You then shoot the computer > and switch to C. > >Smalltalk: You spend so much time playing with the graphics and windowing > system that your boss shoots you in the foot, takes away your workstation, > and makes you develop in COBOL on a character terminal. > >PL/I: You consume all available system resources, including all the offline > bullets. The DataProcessing&Payroll Department doubles its size, triples > its budget, acquires four new mainframes, and drops the original one on > your foot. > >Prolog: You attempt to shoot yourself in the foot, but the bullet, failing > to find its mark, backtracks to the gun which then explodes in your face. > >SNOBOL: You grab your foot with your hand, then rewrite your hand to be a > bullet. The act of shooting the original foot then changes your hand/bullet > into yet another foot (a left foot). > >scheme: You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which > you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you > shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot > yourself in the appendage which holds... ...but none of the other > appendages are aware of this happening. > >English: You put your foot in your mouth, then bite it off. > >CLIPPER: You grab a bullet, get ready to insert it in the gun so that you > can shoot yourself in the foot, and discover that the gun that the bullet > fits has not yet been built, but should be arriving in the mail > _REAL_SOON_NOW_. > >SQL: You cut your foot off, send it out to a service bureau and when it > returns, it has a hole in it, but will no longer fit the attachment at the > end of your leg. GOD BLESS YOU TERRY FOR A REALLY GOOD LAUGH IRISH ------------------------------ From: Mark Date: Tue, 22 Jul 1997 21:31:20 -0500 Subject: Re: Re[2]: Programming language At 12:52 PM 7/18/97 CDT, you wrote: > >--> NOT subject to the frustrations of the VERY regimented structure of >--> the other high level languages; but, much of that structure is >--> available should you desire it. >[snip] >->Just like a mechanic has more than one wrench, a programmer should be >->able to handle more than one language. In many cases, the language >->itself is secondary to the specific *implementation* of the language, > >I have used various languages over the years and I have to agree with Dave, >it is a matter of best fit for the project than which language is better. I >prefer C but will use assembly, basic, etc. if that is a better fit. > >Little programming humor >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- > Instructions for > > "Shooting Yourself in the Foot" > > in various computer languages > and systems/interfaces >============================================================================ >C: You shoot yourself in the foot. > >C++: You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them > all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since > you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at > others and saying, "That's me, over there." > >FORTRAN: You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of > toes; then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, > you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling routine. > >Modula-2: After realizing that you can't acutally accomplish anything in > this language, you shoot yourself in the head. > >LISP: You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you > shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which youshoot > yourself in the appendage which holds... > >COBOL: USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.Foot, THEN place > ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANGUN to > HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied. > >BASIC: Shoot yourself in the foot with water pistol. On big systems, > continue until entire lower body is waterlogged. > >Virtual BASIC: You'll shoot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much > fun doing it that you won't care. > >FORTH: Foot in yourself shoot. > >APL: You shoot yourself in the foot; then spend all day figuring out how to > do it in fewer characters. > >Pascal: The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot. > >HyperTalk Put the first bullet of the gun into foot left of leg of you. > Answer the result. > >UNIX: % ls foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o %rm *.o rm: .O: No such file or > directory % ls % > >Paradox: Not only can you shoot yourself in foot, your users can, too. > >Motif: You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the > trajectory, the bullet, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory handles > of the gun. When you finally get around to pulling the trigger, the gun > jams. > >Apple System 7: Double click the gun icon and a window giving a selection > for guns, target areas, plus ballon help with medical remedies, and > assorted sound effects. Click shoot button and small bomb appears with note > "Error of type 1 has occurred." > >DOS (all versions): You finally found the gun, but can't locate the file > with the foot for the life of you. > > -------- (Additional languages/interfaces found later) --------- > >Ada: If you are dumb enough to actually use this language, the United > States Department of Defense will kidnap you, stand you up in front of a > firing squad, and tell the soldiers, "Shoot at his feet." > >Algol: You shoot yourself in the foot with a musket. The musket is > aesthetically fascinating, and the wound baffles the adolescent medic in > the emergency room. > >APL (alternate): You hear a gunshot, and there's a hole in your foot, but > you don't remember enough linear algebra to understand what happened. > >Assembly: You crash the OS and overwrite the root disk. The system > administrator arrives and shoots you in the foot. After a moment of > contemplation, the administrator shoots himself in the foot and then hops > around the room rabidly shooting at everyone in sight. > >DBase: You squeeze the trigger, but the bullet moves so slowly that by the > time your foot feels the pain you've forgotten why you shot yourself > anyway. > >DBase IV version 1.0: You pull the trigger, but it turns out that the gun > was a poorly-designed grenade and the whole building blows up. > >sh, csh, etc.: You can't remember the syntax for anything, so you spend > five hours reading man pages before giving up. You then shoot the computer > and switch to C. > >Smalltalk: You spend so much time playing with the graphics and windowing > system that your boss shoots you in the foot, takes away your workstation, > and makes you develop in COBOL on a character terminal. > >PL/I: You consume all available system resources, including all the offline > bullets. The DataProcessing&Payroll Department doubles its size, triples > its budget, acquires four new mainframes, and drops the original one on > your foot. > >Prolog: You attempt to shoot yourself in the foot, but the bullet, failing > to find its mark, backtracks to the gun which then explodes in your face. > >SNOBOL: You grab your foot with your hand, then rewrite your hand to be a > bullet. The act of shooting the original foot then changes your hand/bullet > into yet another foot (a left foot). > >scheme: You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which > you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you > shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot > yourself in the appendage which holds... ...but none of the other > appendages are aware of this happening. > >English: You put your foot in your mouth, then bite it off. > >CLIPPER: You grab a bullet, get ready to insert it in the gun so that you > can shoot yourself in the foot, and discover that the gun that the bullet > fits has not yet been built, but should be arriving in the mail > _REAL_SOON_NOW_. > >SQL: You cut your foot off, send it out to a service bureau and when it > returns, it has a hole in it, but will no longer fit the attachment at the > end of your leg. GOD BLESS YOU TERRY FOR A REALLY GOOD LAUGH IRISH> ------------------------------ From: Michael McBroom Date: Tue, 22 Jul 1997 19:36:01 -0700 Subject: Re: oops Simon Quested wrote: > > > acceleration enrichment control (optimise throrrle response) > > If you didn't guess that should be throttle > Another oops? I tried the email address of the Philip fellow in NZ who does the stand-alone systems. His server bounced it back, "user unknown." Can you confirm that the address you listed -- philip.link_electro@xxx.nz -- was a good one? - -- Best, Michael McBroom '87 745T 123k w/APC (batoutahell!) '88 765T 154k _________________________________________________________________________ Graduate Student, Linguistics Author of Research Interest: Biological Origins =McBroom's Camera Bluebook= of Language http://mcbrooms.com California State University, Fullerton _________________________________________________________________________ ------------------------------ From: Terry Martin Date: Tue, 22 Jul 1997 19:53:37 -0700 Subject: neural networks, J1850, ALDL>RS-232 Here's a good ref. to the Intel blurb on J1850 protocol. http://developer.intel.com/design/intarch/papers/j1850_wp.htm I also understand that someone besides me was looking for a schematic for an ALDL>RS-232 interface drawn in TANGO. I have the schematic, and would post it if my fax (read scanner) wasn't busted, which will be remedied really damn shortly. Oh yeah, rumor has it that someone has the source code to read J1850. If that individual would like to forward it to me, it will become public domain as a result of my personal research. nudge nudge wink wink I won't mention the other source other than to say I take full responsibility for everyone else's abilities. :) BTW, source, if you have a return policy on you're scanner, take it back. Terry Martin terry_martin@xxx.ca ------------------------------ From: Terry Martin Date: Tue, 22 Jul 1997 20:53:54 -0700 Subject: Re: Programming language Mark wrote: > >Little programming humor > GOD BLESS YOU TERRY FOR A REALLY GOOD LAUGH > IRISH It really wasn't me, honest, and he left out Borlund's Startup Dephi 2.0 for Windows 95 & Windows NT, "Windows Tech Journal, December 1, 1995, Delphi is the summation of everything the software development industry has learned during the first decade of the Windows". I will, however, confess to pissing myself. Now that's at least EFI related. Terry Martin...urp ------------------------------ From: Simon Quested Date: Wed, 23 Jul 1997 16:25:34 +1200 Subject: Re: oops...Duh! Hi All > I tried the email address of the Philip fellow in NZ who does the > stand-alone systems. His server bounced it back, "user unknown." Can > you confirm that the address you listed -- > philip.link_electro@xxx.nz -- was a good one? Thats the mail addy he gave me over the phone I'll check it out Simon +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Simon Quested (E-mail questeds@xxx.nz) Computer Technician, Silicon Graphics & Windows NT Support Centre for Computing and Biometrics LINCOLN UNIVERSITY OF NEW ZEALAND Phone (64)(03) 3252811 Ext. 8087 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ http://www.lincoln.ac.nz/ccb/techs/simon/default.htm +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgmmng +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ------------------------------ End of DIY_EFI Digest V2 #247 ***************************** To subscribe to DIY_EFI-Digest, send the command: subscribe diy_efi-digest in the body of a message to "Majordomo@xxx. 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