Dr. Dobb's Journal December 1998
You could get dizzy reading the high-flying prose about Linux in the press these days. Marc Andreesen says the Linux buzz is "extremely hot." InfoWorld says Linux is becoming "a real threat to Microsoft." And WorldCom says "Linux, schminux, we'll stick with NT." (I'm paraphrasing, you understand.)
Deciding that I'd have to go to the source to get the real story, I called on the official Linux spokesbeing, Tux the penguin, at his palatial estate in Woodside, California. We sat by the Olympic-sized pool, which was heavily stocked with what looked like herring, and Tux set a bowl of pretzels on the table between us. I could tell these were for me -- everyone knows Tux doesn't eat pretzels.
"You know what I'm here for, Tux," I said, settling into the chair and pulling out my tape recorder. "Linux is hot right now. But what's the real story?"
He shrugged his flippers. "Linux is hot. That's the real story."
I tried another approach. "The most dramatic Linux news recently was Intel and Netscape investing ostentatiously in Red Hat Software, a Linux company. But is this really an endorsement of Linux, or is it a way of tweaking Microsoft's nose?"
"It's the same thing." He lowered his beak to his chest down and frowned at me menacingly under his eyebrows. "This is war, bubbie, and war is a zero-sum game."
I retreated strategically. "I'm sure you're right. There's no doubt that the recent success stories are impressive, but they're all really cases of Microsoft blowing it, aren't they? Southwest Bell gets tired of waiting for NT5 and moves to Linux. NatWest is having troubles with NT4 in its ATMs and replaces it with Linux. The tiny town of Medina, Washington, where Gates lives, is overwhelmed by the paperwork associated with building permits for his mansion -- "
"Huh? They went with NT, didn't they?"
"They looked at it, but ultimately they put in a document management system based on Caldera's Linux." He leaned his head back and barked, "Polly, get out here!" At the same time, he brought one flipper down on the table so hard that the pretzel bowl emptied itself on the concrete deck.
"I should be kept up to date on these things," he told me. "Where is that bird? Oh, she's probably gone to lunch." As he said the word lunch, he glared at me. "Ask your next question."
"I was just saying that the Linux successes -- "
"Are Microsoft failures. Of course. War is a zero-sum game. Like I told you. Move on."
"So you take the idea of Linux as a threat to Microsoft -- "
"Let me put it to you in words of one syllable, baby. My mission is to kick Bill's butt. Capische?"
"Right. but I get the impression that Linux creator Linus Torvalds is a bit surprised by recent developments."
"Linus is beyond his depth here. He got the ball rolling back in '91, I'll give him credit for that, but it's not really his baby any more. He's not even doing Linux fulltime."
"So who is in charge?"
"You're lookin' at him, baby."
"But doesn't Linus approve all changes to Linux?"
"And who do you think tells him to approve them?"
"Mmm." I referred to my notes. "It must be nice to be in a position of power....Any thoughts about how Oracle8 on Linux is built on the Linux kernel, while Sybase currently supports its database only on Red Hat Caldera Software; and S.u.S.E. Linux, and the Informix database is supported only on the Caldera and S.u.S.E Linux distributions -- "
He waved it away with a flipper. "Details. The point is, Linux is taking over. We got stability, we got scalability, and we got Bill where it hurts. Anyway, what you said, about all the Linux successes being Microsoft failures -- and I know you mean NT failures -- that's not right. Look at Compaq. They're hot for the ISP trade, and they know ISPs love UNIX. Compaq sees Sun as their competition for ISPs, and they want Linux so they can cut into Sun's market. So it's not just about Microsoft's failures."
"That sounds inconsistent. You said that -- "
That was the wrong thing to say. "You come here, you take up my valuable time, you eat all my pretzels, and you expect consistency from a flightless bird. Is that my problem? So I'm gonna kick McNealy's butt, too, okay?"
Shortly thereafter, the interview ended. As I was leaving, he muttered something about lunch and waddled awkwardly toward the pool, where he dived in without hesitation. I paused to watch and observed that, once in his element, he was remarkably graceful and efficient. And, I presently saw, quite deadly.
-Michael Swaine